From PAUL OATES
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
Please enjoy and understand the following
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
Please enjoy and understand the following
1. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANISATION.
2. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
3. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
4. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
5. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
6. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
7. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
8. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
9. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
10. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
11. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
12. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
13. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
14. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
15. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
16. WHY ARE HAEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HAEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
17. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
18. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
19. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
2. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
3. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
4. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
5. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
6. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
7. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
8. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
9. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
10. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
11. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
12. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
13. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
14. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
15. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
16. WHY ARE HAEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HAEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
17. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
18. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
19. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
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